tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156821579309080273.post1078187258295688730..comments2023-09-25T02:17:01.787-07:00Comments on Bar Mitzvahzilla: Past Tense, Present TenseLinda Pressmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01809808676659629555noreply@blogger.comBlogger38125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156821579309080273.post-53269136528002705102010-04-25T00:42:19.464-07:002010-04-25T00:42:19.464-07:00Sarah, Thanks so much for your comment. My dad was...Sarah, Thanks so much for your comment. My dad was larger than life, I think that's one of the reasons it was so impossible to believe he had died. And I can totally imagine him pulling Faibol aside to give him advice at the wedding! He was always giving everyone advice!Linda Pressmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01809808676659629555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156821579309080273.post-81316735169254920802010-04-25T00:40:26.183-07:002010-04-25T00:40:26.183-07:00Yosef, Actually, my dad died a year and a half aft...Yosef, Actually, my dad died a year and a half after we moved to Arizona. One sister was married already so they moved with the other six. It wasn't the best Jewish idea they ever had, as far as Jewish organizations in the early 1970s, but we did love Arizona the minute we got here. Enough so that, when he did die, she didn't consider moving back to Chicago.Linda Pressmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01809808676659629555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156821579309080273.post-74212175390891791932010-04-25T00:37:08.624-07:002010-04-25T00:37:08.624-07:00Nicki, I'm so sorry about your mom being in su...Nicki, I'm so sorry about your mom being in such a horrible accident. <br /><br />And about mortality? I don't know how I'd do any of this stuff without being able to talk about my belief in God and the immortal soul. I also love to be able to teach them that having faith doesn't mean having all the answers, just that you have faith that there are answers.Linda Pressmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01809808676659629555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156821579309080273.post-55244190733968444242010-04-25T00:32:48.037-07:002010-04-25T00:32:48.037-07:00Bruce, how shocking about your grandfather dying u...Bruce, how shocking about your grandfather dying upon hearing the news from Auschwitz, and how devastating for your family to have sustained such a loss. I'm amazed as an adult that, although I came from two survivor parents, I was surrounded by family, all other survivors. But one was in the forest and the other in Siberia, not concentration camps.<br /><br />Thanks for your kind comments.Linda Pressmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01809808676659629555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156821579309080273.post-81116830328324995162010-04-25T00:30:14.204-07:002010-04-25T00:30:14.204-07:00Amber, I don't blame you for thinking about th...Amber, I don't blame you for thinking about things like this especially with so many young brothers and sisters. Since your mother must be around my age (or younger) I'm surprised that she speaks of her death often. Do you know why? I know that even though I've had such horrific medical conditions that I should think my demise is imminent, I never do.Linda Pressmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01809808676659629555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156821579309080273.post-15069558209951763592010-04-25T00:28:02.568-07:002010-04-25T00:28:02.568-07:00Anonymous (Heather), I know I should print these u...Anonymous (Heather), I know I should print these up to show mom/bubbe but lately I'm worried that things will make her sad, especially if they have to do with aging. You've now had your grandmother longer than I had mine! And lucky, lucky McKenzie and Genevieve!Linda Pressmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01809808676659629555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156821579309080273.post-40387606399771184042010-04-25T00:25:44.561-07:002010-04-25T00:25:44.561-07:00Aging Mommy,
Thanks for your kind words. My dad t...Aging Mommy, <br />Thanks for your kind words. My dad travelled a long way in his lifetime - from a village in Poland to a house in Scottsdale. It was quite a journey and he did it all by working hard, too hard as it turns out.Linda Pressmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01809808676659629555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156821579309080273.post-44300193571568493032010-04-19T23:27:06.642-07:002010-04-19T23:27:06.642-07:00Maria, Thanks for your comment. I agree with guard...Maria, Thanks for your comment. I agree with guarding against depression, especially when you see it in other family members and worry about a genetic component. And you're right, you are young to be living with one parent gone and one absent due to disease and depression. I always thought, if it has to happen, at least let it happen after I have the structure of my own life in place. You certainly have that.Linda Pressmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01809808676659629555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156821579309080273.post-10201772659052428082010-04-19T23:24:04.156-07:002010-04-19T23:24:04.156-07:00Robin, Thanks so much. I appreciate it.
Stacia, I...Robin, Thanks so much. I appreciate it.<br /><br />Stacia, I think with cancer we almost get used to the treatment phase of it and forget that some people just don't survive that, that it's not survivable. The suffering part seems to be permanent and then we're surprised by the end.Linda Pressmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01809808676659629555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156821579309080273.post-10094634768677462072010-04-19T23:21:39.901-07:002010-04-19T23:21:39.901-07:00BLW, unbelievable for you to have lost both your p...BLW, unbelievable for you to have lost both your parents suddenly. I'm so sorry. It's like your life just has this fork in the road and that's it; there's the life you imagined and the life you got and they're not the same.Linda Pressmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01809808676659629555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156821579309080273.post-4320865508725668272010-04-19T23:18:27.747-07:002010-04-19T23:18:27.747-07:00Terry, like anyone can ever be an expert at mourni...Terry, like anyone can ever be an expert at mourning! It's something you don't exactly want to be an expert at, right? I'm sorry about your mother with some new stuff going on with my own I'm only starting to see how completely devastating that is. So have we decided we're twins separated at birth yet?Linda Pressmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01809808676659629555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156821579309080273.post-48614941323059060312010-04-19T23:15:13.653-07:002010-04-19T23:15:13.653-07:00Julie, thanks for your comment on the blog. It mea...Julie, thanks for your comment on the blog. It means a lot to me, and to know it touched you.Linda Pressmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01809808676659629555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156821579309080273.post-89989823598037518772010-04-19T23:14:07.659-07:002010-04-19T23:14:07.659-07:00Jack, that's really something, when there'...Jack, that's really something, when there's one person in the family doing so poorly and another being born - juxtaposed like that! I hope your father's doing well now.<br /><br />Kristen, that shift from being the child to being the equal to having to do some traditional "parent"-type things yourself, is a very nebulous thing. They need you long before they know it.Linda Pressmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01809808676659629555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156821579309080273.post-6743111080298966692010-04-19T22:55:17.278-07:002010-04-19T22:55:17.278-07:00TKW, how scary and how fortunate for your mom that...TKW, how scary and how fortunate for your mom that she was in the 2%! Wow.<br /><br />Karen, I remember everyone said my dad was so young too, but I was fifteen so I thought 48 was pretty decent. I remember thinking "At least he didn't die young." The arrogance of youth! Amazing that your mother weight lifts at 74! So great!<br /><br />Charlotte, When you said that about your dad with his brain tumor, it reminded me that despite my dad's earlier health problems I still always thought he was immortal. He had such a strong life force; I couldn't imagine how that could ever not be here.Linda Pressmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01809808676659629555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156821579309080273.post-24379150799558867832010-04-19T22:48:46.453-07:002010-04-19T22:48:46.453-07:00Maureen, sometimes there is that gap like you had ...Maureen, sometimes there is that gap like you had with your dad, where suddenly you notice that they're not young anymore. I'm so totally divorced form reality that I had my mom frozen at age 60 for the last 20 years, believe it or not! It was devastating realizing a few months ago that I was wrong.Linda Pressmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01809808676659629555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156821579309080273.post-26312881331205868072010-04-19T22:46:40.446-07:002010-04-19T22:46:40.446-07:00Jennifer, that is really rough when one parent kee...Jennifer, that is really rough when one parent keeps another parent away. In my case, after my dad died, there was definitely some filtering of how we were supposed to feel about him based on how my mom felt about him, and she wasn't too happy about being left destitute. It took me years to realize that my relationship with my father, dead or not, was independent of my mother's.Linda Pressmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01809808676659629555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156821579309080273.post-5299790726176027352010-04-19T07:16:22.044-07:002010-04-19T07:16:22.044-07:00What you wrote was beautiful. What made it sad was...What you wrote was beautiful. What made it sad was that I am part of your family and remember your dad so vividly. When I met your parents in 1957 they were only married six years. It is true that everyone called your dad the oz. He was so very handsome and extremely charming. He was always laughing and making everyone else around him laugh also. He had a vibrant personality. On my wedding day he would grab Faibol to offer him advice. You write beautifully about your sorrow and realizing how we can be here at this moment and as quickly be gone the next.Sarah Blachernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156821579309080273.post-91651478843713830282010-04-18T06:11:49.049-07:002010-04-18T06:11:49.049-07:00I can see the resemblance between you and your mot...I can see the resemblance between you and your mother. Why did your mother, a single woman with 7 daughters move to Arizona? Yossi from Israelyosefhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01347993166408103794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156821579309080273.post-43242004163597021712010-04-18T04:29:50.823-07:002010-04-18T04:29:50.823-07:00My mother, when I was rather young - I think under...My mother, when I was rather young - I think under 10 but cannot remember exact age - was in a horrible car accident. She fell asleep at the wheel driving home from visiting my sister and I (long story). That taught me mortality in a big way.<br /><br />I had grandparents until 16 years ago. Okay, at that point in time I had only one surviving grandparent but still I felt very lucky to 33 and still have a living grandmother.<br /><br />Now at 48, I have one parent and two step-parents living. I have to say that it is hard to teach your children about mortality. A few years back my ex had emergency brain surgery and that did it for me. I never thought I would have to deal with that type of possible death and my children when they were so young.Nickihttp://www.nickisnook.netnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156821579309080273.post-64371272523494520502010-04-16T22:32:01.825-07:002010-04-16T22:32:01.825-07:00Points of synchronicity, coming from Chicago as do...Points of synchronicity, coming from Chicago as do you, fifty this year like you... yet I was fortunate to grow up with both parents. However, my mom's dad died, of a heart attack at fifty, when my mom was fourteen. And he died when he saw pictures of Aushwitz, smuggled out while the war was still going, and realized that his nine brothers and sisters had been killed there (a sister survived, but he was never to know that, and I only learned of it this year (http://tinyurl.com/y2busxn).<br /><br />I'm named after this grandfather I never knew, and as my son is now fifteen, sometimes my heart catches in my chest and I wonder if I might be bound to his same fate. But no one ever said I was anything like an ox, so I'm hoping my non-hearty stock will float on for awhile.<br /><br />I'm really sorry that you had to lose your dad so young, I've seen the scar that leaves... but maybe also the deepening of soul and compassion as you honor your dad with your loving and giving spirit.www.privilegeofparenting.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10645668995297703791noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156821579309080273.post-65929481363531283782010-04-16T22:11:16.250-07:002010-04-16T22:11:16.250-07:00Yes, I often think about my parent's mortality...Yes, I often think about my parent's mortality. It scares me because there are still so many little ones at home. I am constantly talking with my husband about what we would do. All this is exasperated by my mother's references to her future death. It really freaks me out.amber_mtmchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17871256362646081536noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156821579309080273.post-27525704258254441052010-04-16T17:32:33.356-07:002010-04-16T17:32:33.356-07:00Linda,
That makes me sad knowing what Bubbe is go...Linda,<br /><br />That makes me sad knowing what Bubbe is going through medically. I can't bear to think of her being a past tense term. I know McKenzie and her are bonded but Genevieve may not get that opportunity and I too understand that most little kids do not have a great grandparent. I appreciate and love every minute I have had with her. She is a sweet soul, a wonderful entertaining women so hot and cold at times that yes, you must write to let people in on the humor that is Bubbe. Love you! HeatherAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156821579309080273.post-28497190793527315652010-04-16T16:02:00.146-07:002010-04-16T16:02:00.146-07:00You have an interesting heritage. That must have b...You have an interesting heritage. That must have been so hard to deal with, being fifteen and losing your father. He must have been an amazing man and he lived through some incredibly tough times as did your mother. I am lucky in that both my parents, in their mid-70's are still alive, fit and healthy but I never met either of my grandfathers who died long before I was born, when my mother and father were both children. They both fought in the first world war and although they survived they never fully recovered either. <br /><br />Thank you for stopping by my blog today and for your comments.One Photohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05793386254564806126noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156821579309080273.post-20537669020049582132010-04-15T22:06:32.071-07:002010-04-15T22:06:32.071-07:00My best friend's mother died from cancer when ...My best friend's mother died from cancer when we were seniors in high school. Somehow (self-preservation?) I never allowed myself to think it could happen to <i>my</i> parents and I convinced myself, right up until the end, that my friend's mother would be fine. I see my parents getting older and vaguely think about what happens next, but in many ways I am still in denial. Self-preservation runs strong in these bones, I suppose.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3156821579309080273.post-78042526683699496902010-04-15T17:32:49.140-07:002010-04-15T17:32:49.140-07:00I lost my father almost eight years ago after a 7 ...I lost my father almost eight years ago after a 7 year battle with cancer. My mother is still alive, but I have lost her to a major depression over the last fews years, spurned on by Parkinson's Disease. Whether your childhood was happy or not, there is something within you that always needs your parents. <br /><br />I noticed at a very early age that my parents were much older than my counterparts (my mother is turning 75 this year, my father would have been 85 this year and I will be 37 in a couple of months). I was the oddball then, and in many ways, I still am. Caring for an elderly parent weighs on you, much like parenting. You question your choices, wondering if you are handling situations in the right way.<br /><br />Like anything else, you have to do the best you can and hope it is the best decision. I am happy that I have gone through these experiences. It colors the way I react to certain situations. It has made me look within myself to avoid falling into the depression that seems to be hereditary and to make decisions based on what's best, not what is expected.Mariahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01869747946511793954noreply@blogger.com