But when the plans fell through this time, Husband and I looked at each other and said, "Let's go out anyway." Here's the deal: Bar Mitzvahzilla is turning fifteen in six weeks. That's older than any babysitter we ever had for both of them. Our most wonderful, regular babysitter, whom we had for years when they were little, started with us when she was twelve and Daughter was in diapers.
Of course, that babysitter was a female. Mature. She lived behind us and so her family could hop over our fence to help should something go awry, not to mention the fact that Husband and I could swoop back home. Bar Mitzvahzilla, of course, is a different creature altogether. So his twelfth year passed by and we couldn't leave the kids alone. Thirteenth and no tomato. Fourteenth and finally I could start going to my exercise class or meetings as the sun was setting knowing that Husband would be home soon.
But fifteen? Duh. We're outta here.
It's like we're waking up after a long sleep, rubbing our eyes and shaking cobwebs out of our hair, like we're Rip Van Winkles, asleep for the last fifteen years. What's happened in the world since we've been trapped in that house with those tiny tyrants? What news is there of the outside world?
We head off to our three hour date, home at ten, holding hands.
How hard is it to put yourself back on the priority list? How tempting is it to bring the kids everywhere, even when they're old enough to stay home? Have you ever had this sweet moment of freedom, or noticed its lack?
My oldest is still WAY too young to be left responsible for the younger two, but every once in a while, we see the vestiges of what is to come.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to put yourself on the list and then actually get to yourself. But it is vital, like breathing. If you lose sight of yourself, how can you help anyone else?
I remember this same thing happening with our 3...it was almost as startling to discover our new found freedom as it was to realize one night that all 5 of us were eating SALAD with dinner. (More damn slicing and dicing, but revolutionary nonetheless.) It's the beginning of a whole new era for you, and it's great that you're happy about it!! I know people who get all sad and wistful about these things..."boo hoo, the passage of time"... No sadness here - we have lives to get back to after "the long sleep" you referred to! Love it.
ReplyDeleteWhat news is there of the outside world?? Do let me know. Maybe send me a telegram or something? I'll be here for the next 14 years or so, trapped in the house, so no rush. =>
ReplyDeletePS: Hope you guys had fun!!
uh, my daughter is 16. So yeah...I feel you.
ReplyDeleteMy youngest is 9. We pay our daughter to watch our youngest so we can go on dates...plus my best friend is right next door. So, if something goes awry, my daughter can go next door to ask for help.
We love it. It makes a huge difference in the amount of time you can spend with your spouse.
Enjoy.
So, you've come alive, eh? I notice that you didn't tell us about the date itself...
ReplyDeleteI don't remember seeing you comment on your HERE'S TO YOU THURSDAY footage. I don't know if that means that I am losing it or you missed my comment on your last blog that it was there. In any event, last week you got tagged. I hope you like it.
Oh this sounds awesome and I can't WAIT for those years. Both our families live 1500 miles away ( and never visit) so we just don't get the "date night" luxury. We were actually giddy like teenagers for a few weeks because we thought one of the grandparents was coming to visit next week and was planning on taking both kids back to Texas for 3 weeks with her, leaving us alone. Then we were going to meet up in Tennessee (halfway) and exchange the kids. We were postively ecstatic.. but then family member called yesterday and said she couldn't come afterall. Talk about dejected... we were both depressed.
ReplyDeleteMaria, I agree with putting ourselves on the list. We've always gone on on dates, though we've really needed weekends away to rejuvenate more! In the middle of our date on Saturday I realized we were talking about them and then we instantly instituted a new rule: no talking about the kids on our dates!
ReplyDeleteLeslie, I agree with you wholeheartedly! I've really appreciated my kids getting older and understanding so much more, not having to always "talk down" for them. Also, it's nice to see them becoming the adults they'll become! I'm having a little maudlin phase about ME turning 50, but them? Geez, they're so young still!
ReplyDeleteStacia, the outside world sends their hellos! Still, how fun to have a newborn! I often think I could have had a lot more kids if the womb hadn't been so uncooperative (and if I hadn't been so old...)
ReplyDeleteChris, Shhhh - don't tell my son that he could actually charge us! Actually, I'm paying him in Xbox time, as usual! It's the perfect situation. I take it away and then give it back (with new games) to get everything I want.
ReplyDeleteRobin, I can't believe I missed that great clip you posted last Thursday! I saw it now and posted a comment. I swear, I haven't been quite myself this summer. One word: Hormones. Or lack of.
ReplyDeleteAnd the date? Dinner and then we went to this outdoor shopping center that hosts bands in the summer and there were hundreds of people there, dancing! It was pretty wild!
Yay! Good for you! ASR is 16 and it's so great when he's home and available...we can sneak out to a movie and a cocktail and click our heels at our good fortune!
ReplyDeleteJennifer, that is rough, especially to get your hopes up and then have them dashed. Even though my family lives here (and, ahem, six sisters!) no one's ever really offered and my mother's too old to impose on her. My husband and I ferret out a day here and there using creativity. Or my best friend. It's amazing what one day can do for a marriage!
ReplyDeleteWoohoo! I'm thrilled to hear this news. Good for you and Husband! Hmm...do you think Big Boy (2 1/2) is old enough to take care of Tiny Baby? How about if I just sneak out for an hour to grab a cup of coffee? :)
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear you made it out for a date night and how wonderful that now you can do so more often!
ReplyDeleteI was so happy to get past the babysitter years. Now I am teetering on the brink of the years when we can be gone overnight without a sitter! But I admit that hubby and I are lazy homebodies and should really go out together more often.
ReplyDeleteTKW, Cocktails reminds me of the last time Husband and I went out dancing together - a whole different kind of date than this "end-at-ten" affair! I'm lucky enough to be married to someone who love to dance, unlucky enough that I never get to!
ReplyDeleteKristen, You're going to be schlepping them for many more years - especially if you go for the Momalom Magic Three! But, hey, we all have to put in our fifteen years, right? It just took me a while to realize I was free!
ReplyDeleteAging Mommy, For the four weeks before that we kept ending up with one kid or the other and these weird "triad" dates. Guilt, always guilt. Then we're like, "what are we, nuts?"
ReplyDeleteKaren, Okay, not that I'm plotting or anything, but exactly how old do they have to be for us to escape overnight??? My mom used to leave me alone as a Junior in high school and I promptly had gigantic parties! If I wait too long then my son will be at college and I'll be back to one young one at home!
ReplyDeleteOh that sounds lovely... I just recently hired our first babysitter, she comes for the first time Wednesday (she's a friend's little sister who'll be 16 this year...) and I am SO excited!!
ReplyDeleteWith just one kid and tons of grandparents in town, we had it made, but I'm glad that you've finally made it to Easy Street - enjoy!
ReplyDeleteI felt the same way when my oldest turned 12 last year. It was so freeing to know I could just leave from time to time. We put the kids down for bed at eight, leave her with the remote, and head out for fun (or a movie, whichever is easiest).
ReplyDeleteOh, I'm so glad for you guys. Sometimes i wish I was married (tho not to my ex) because now that the kids are older I could finally go out once in a while when it used to be so hard. Enjoy one another!
ReplyDeleteCorinne, if she works out well with the kids, treat her like gold! I had ours for a very critical 4 year period and lost her when she got into her sophomore year of high school and got interested in other things and not babysitting!
ReplyDeleteLisa, you were spoiled! My mom was always too old to babysit, or she was just worn out from the other 15 grandkids. I don't know. All I know is I paid for a long time!
Charlotte, that is great and quite an advantage to having a girl! I love that the remote control is the most important thing you hand her! Kids are so mesmerized by the TV!
ReplyDeleteMaureen, that's how I felt when I got divorced before: I loved marriage just not to him! And now we're like two kids. Tonight we left again and even if we did some practical things it still felt like a date!
ReplyDeleteCurrently, my brother is conveniently (and inconveniently) crashing in our office. Temporarily. Long story. Although he can't be completely trusted with the 1-year-old, she goes to bed at 7 so he can stay home while me and the husband go out to dinner. Sadly we haven't yet taken full advantage of this. I'm inspired. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteI was the baby-sitter for my parents for many, many years. I think that's why I am so comfortable around children--well, not my children, other people's children.
ReplyDeleteWe have barely started leaving our kids with a baby-sitter. It really is liberating!
We've made it to this same halcyon juncture—a sweet time when the kids are not needing constant supervision but have not left yet either, a time when going out without them is easy, but taking them along is also rather enjoyable as we can have actual conversation (and they love good food).
ReplyDeleteI'm inclined to hit the pause button and keep it here awhile if I could.
Enjoy a summer of dating your husband :)
Good for you! Hope those dates come more frequently now.
ReplyDeleteI vaguely remember those days... the lovely sense of freedom realizing your children didn't need you as much as you needed them. And now, alas, they are all grown up, some with children of their own. In fact, my 16 year old granddaughter takes wonderful care of her two younger brothers. And life goes on...
After double digits of being married, I think it's lovely how excited you and Husband get to go out on a date AND hold hands no less. Too many of us use our kids as our excuses NOT to go out on with our spouses and stay in. You two are an inspiration.
ReplyDeleteWhat a fabulous, spontaneous thing to do! (Amazing how different kids are, isn't it? My younger sounds like Bar Mitzvahzilla. . .)
ReplyDeleteMaybe you two can do this even more often now!
What a great post! Iread a book called
ReplyDelete"Light His Fire" by Ellen Kreidman when our boys were small. I just loved it. We have always had date nights and we have always gone away for our Anniversary. Plus overnights a few times a year. 22 years later we're still doing all of the things we were doing when our boys were little. They are all grown now. If you don't start now , you will regret it when yor babies are grown.
Kristin
Celeste, that can be a tough call. You don't WANT a sleeping babysitter, but then again sleeping is the only way you trust him supervising, right? Funny the things we have to think about as parents.
ReplyDeleteAmber, I've heard that of so many people who are the oldest of many siblings - that they're the built-in babysitters. I swear my oldest sister escaped our house, getting married at 18, for the same reason! And funny how no matter how great a babysitter you are, it is very different with your own kids!
Bruce, I know what you mean. I do enjoy having my kids along, although I have to declare iPod-free meals! But just the IDEA of being able to go out with all that fancy dancing, all the mental machinations, it's so freeing! And a babysitter son who will trade anything for time on his Xbox!
ReplyDeleteEllen, how nice for your son or daughter! Although I think I see a problem looming ahead. My son might actually get a social life one day - he is starting high school soon - and might actually have plans that will thwart our newfound date night!
ReplyDeleteMichelle, thanks. We have amazed many people with this hand-holding thing. Not that we haven't gone through tough times (do we always have to blame it on my hormones?). Yet, somehow, love. Who would have thought?
BLW, on Monday night we went out again. We figured with vacation coming up we'd be stuck with them full-time. We can't leave them in a hotel alone so this is our last chance!
ReplyDeleteKristin, that book was right! We've always had date nights but the going away times - which are the most important thing - have been few and far between. My daughter basically became such a handful with us out of town that no one would take her. Our fault, I'm sure. And our pain later.
Honestly, I don't know and I think it depends on the kid. We stepped out of our comfort zone and left our 17 and a half year old home alone for one school night (because he whined about sleeping in his own bed. The subsequent weekend nights we made him stay with a friend. He and the house were fine when we got home. But how horrible would it have been if something happened. Yikes.
ReplyDelete