Okay, I'll admit it: we've been on vacation. I hesitate to call it that, though, because not only have we stayed in Arizona (I've previously whined about ending up in Flagstaff for this vacation) but, of course, the kids are with us. Ever feel like you need a vacation from your vacation? Ever feel like the vacation isn't that different from the rest of the summer?
Well, it hasn't been that bad. We decided to act like tourists and so went to Lowell Observatory one day, took the ski lift to the top of Mt. Humphrey another, and today we went to the Grand Canyon. For our family, this is a jaw-dropping level of activity while on vacation. Normally we're more the sleep-till-noon, too late to get our hotel room cleaned type of vacationers. And then we get to listen to our kids nag us about how we never do anything exciting on vacation. Well, we showed them.
Right after we were married, after my first miscarriage, Husband and I came up to Flagstaff, right when I thought I'd really never have children. We stayed at my mom's cabin and I moped around feeling the inadequacy of a family made up of just us two. At one point we took that same ski lift up to the top of Mt. Humphrey. It was quiet. I could hear the wind rustling in the Aspens. I remember thinking that I wasn't prepared to deal with these things that were bigger than me, or bigger than my ability. Husband comforted me, telling me that it would all work out.
And there we were on Monday, going up that same mountain in those same ski lift cars, me and Daughter in one, Husband and Bar Mitzvahzilla in another - and then going down the mountain, switching kids - me and Bar Mitzvahzilla in one car and Husband and Daughter in another. It was an experience of the differences in my kids. My daughter waiting for the lift to break into a million pieces, nearly laying down on top of me, and then my son sitting there, the stoic teen, making me think of the little boy who once pointed at all the sights he saw - "Look, Mom! The clouds!" None of that this time.
And Husband and I, in separate cars because of the rules of the ski lift, and temporarily divided by the same children we longed for.
Do you have a history of going to a particular place, over and over again, so that your history's played out there? Are you a lazy vacationer or an active one? Ever vacation in your home state?
Thanks for the beautiful and evocative post. You reminded me of when my first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. I was so early on that I didn't even need a D&C. Yet I was sad beyond sad, and your description of feeling the inadequacy of a family comprised of 2 adults brought tears.
ReplyDeleteWe tended to do different vacations with our kids - Nova Scotia was a favorite because we took the dog which added a level of insanity and chaos that was a stretch even for our bunch.
The recurrent family vacations were the ones to Atlanta to see grandparents and cousins. Countless amazing memories for all of us. We talk about them every time we're together for more than a day.
FUN!
ReplyDeleteand I am the wrong one to ask about the vay cays.
These days.
This economy.
we are practically vacationing in our own domicile...but youll have that :)
This is what we have decided to do this summer...a staycation. We usually head to the beach for a long weekend every summer, this year it is right here. No beach, but vacation. We are going to try to enjoy what we have around us. My only fear is that we won't get that true 'away from it all' feel that you usually get on vacation. We will see!
ReplyDeleteWhat a nice post. For a number of years, we went back to the same beach in North Carolina - same house - with the same cousins. It is fun to look back at the photos and see how the kids have grown - what they did way back when, etc. This summer, scheduling didn't work out. Maybe next year.
ReplyDeleteIn the past I was a "cheap" vacationer. We did not take many, spending the money to visit family. But a few years ago it dawned on me that my oldest would be out of the house soon and I felt an urgency to take some great family trips and build some memories. Unfortunately, my boys would rather sleep late and not be dragged around while hubby and I are into "go, go, go." One of my favorite trips was out that way - we went to the Grand Canyon a couple of years ago. My oldest picked the destination as a high school graduation celebration. So amazing out there:)
ReplyDeleteThere are two types of vacations. First Class.....and With Kids.
ReplyDeleteOh, a vacation from your vacation. Oh, the grand canyon. Oh, the soothing effects of a familiar place. This is so touching and real, Linda. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteGod, travelling with my kids always warrants another vacation...I do look forward to when they get older and it's not such a trial. Sounds like you enjoyed yourself!
ReplyDeleteSounds like a wonderful trip - lots of memories (I love that chairlift in the summer)! We always race, race, race through our vacations, hitting every possible "must-see" so I always need a few days of rest afterward.
ReplyDeleteVacations are a work out for us. Go go go go whereever we go. It is my wife, she does not like being bored on vacation. So in general, we get to relax when we get back home as i usually plan a day off between coming back home and goinf back to work.
ReplyDeleteThese days we don't really vacation at all, unless you include trips to visit family. Before we had kids we were pretty active vacationers, usually heading to cities and taking in lots of sites and museums. Right now, though, nothing sounds better than sleeping till noon and reading the rest of the day. (Next month, Husband and I are taking our first weekend trip without kids and I hope to get plenty of sleeping and reading done!)
ReplyDeleteHow wonderful to revisit a place with your children that you once visited feeling so unhappily that children would never happen for you. We went on vacation to Montana and Wyoming right after my first miscarriage, when I was supposed to already be half way there (it was an end of first trimester one). Glacier, Yellowstone and the Tetons are so beautiful but yet everything was tinged with sadness. One day I want to return there with Mirabelle as I think Yellowstone is an amazing place to go with kids and when I do I will think of you revisiting Flagstaff. Beautiful post.
ReplyDeleteAnd now you have me crying. A good cry, I assure you.
ReplyDeleteWhile my recent experience has been very emotional, I have (finally) broken through the cloud with a new appreciation for my greatest blessings: my children. I have so much more I want to say but can't find the exact words. (Have you ever experienced that?)
Anyway, thank you for this post.
This was so beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had more words, but this left me speechless and just in awe. :)
Great post, and beautifully written -- made me think warm thoughts of my own (crazy, Jewish) family!
ReplyDeleteAs you know my happy place is Taos, New Mexico. Love, love, love New Mexico, but guess what? On the way to my favorite place on the planet (besides being home with my wonderful kids and husband) is Flagstaff. I've fallen in love with this funky, college town surrounded by moutains and trees and a train that cuts right through it. Great food, coffee, people, and it's halfway to New Mexico from California...what a place.
ReplyDeleteLeslie, you reminded me of the vacations I used to go on as a kid with our dog trying to hide him in our motel rooms! Seven girls and a dog - right!
ReplyDeleteMiz, if it wasn't 110 degrees in Phoenix we would've stayed there and gone to one of the hotels there! But we had to get out of that heat!
Dalia, we thought about doing that too because there really a lot of great things to do in Phoenix, but the heat! Also, I had a funny feeling that if we stayed home I'd end up doing all my usual stuff instead of being, um, vacation mom!
ReplyDeleteSherri, if only we had some beach in Arizona! That'd be nice! And I agree that vacationing in the same place brings a type of continuity to our family. I just wish the kids could remember all the times we've bee here!
Wow, this is just awesome Linda! To be back at that place that makes you remember such a specific moment a time, long ago and emotionally far away. A lovely little exercise in gratitude for the two great kids you now have.
ReplyDeleteKaren, funny you should say that. At this exact moment my son is laying in the fold out bed in our room and it's 11:30. I was up and at my exercise class at 8:50 and my husband and daughter have already gone swimming and showered. Teens!
ReplyDeleteTwo Fat Girls, thanks for visiting over here! A vacation alone with my husband does have a distinctly different feel than one with the kids. And I'm plotting that getaway - one little day, later in July. We'll break out of prison then...
Jen, it's so funny when you live in Arizona because it can be, um, a little provincial at times (I won't mention the politics) but then you go to the Grand Canyon and there are people there from all over the world! It's pretty amazing.
ReplyDeleteTKW, the real problem is that at home they're both on top of me everyday too! But wait, there's hope! My daughter's starting day camp on Tuesday! (Evil laugh)
Lisa, no matter if you race like crazy, you go on the most amazing vacations! Everytime I tell my husband we need to go to Europe before the kids are grown he says, "We have no money. We have to go to Flagstaff again." Flagstaff, my home away from home. Now it's official. I've gone to their Jazzercise!
ReplyDeleteMy place is Paris. Gosh, that statement sounds a whole lot more glamourous than it is! I went once in college, when I was still figuring out what was important to me. My husband and I started and ended our two-month backpacking trip across Europe there (we had just started dating at the time). And we went back last year, our first big vacation without the kiddos. It's always been a magical place for me, even more so sharing it with a person I love so very much.
ReplyDeleteWe travel fairly often, both with and without the boys. And depending on the trip, I often feel I need a vacation from the vacation.
ReplyDeleteBut I have found that as the boys get older, in many ways, it is getting easier. They are more interested in where we are going, what we are planning.
Our yearly tradition of sorts has been to visit my brother and sister in law at Sunset Beach in North Carolina, where we lounge around, spending lazy days on the beach and doing a little sightseeing around the near vicinity. It is amazing to see the pictures of the kids through the last couple of years: their growth and their memories of those trips.
This is a wonderful snapshot of "family time" and our own perceptions as our children grow. As we come to accept their growing.
ReplyDeleteI understand the mix of feelings you must have felt, at least in part. Not so different from receiving regular yet spontaneous phone calls from my ebullient 18-year old in Europe, and hear nothing (grrrrr) from his younger brother, now out of state in an academic program.
So different. Each growing into his own. And so many memories of different points in time, and what it has taken to get them here.
All good stuff.
Awww... see? You managed to post while on vacation! Me? Not so much. I'm barely managing to READ. The vacation I am currently on is our first family vacation that we haven't gone to Texas to visit family. So.. our first REAL vacation... and we aren't vacationing in our state, but we are in the next state over- Pennsylvania ( and only two hours from home). Nonetheless, it has been a long week already.... kids whining that we haven't done enough, husband and I exhausted and horrified that we've done and spent too much... I know what you mean about the kids you wanted now dividing you. We've spent this vacation sleeping apart- husband with Noah and me with Zoe.. because they can't sleep together without fighting. I am currently typing this from mine and Zoe's bed, while husband lies on the other bed ignoring us all because he's, "had enough" and the kids running around me fighting. Ahh... bliss.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all...a vacation from your vacation? I TOTALLY get that.
ReplyDeleteBut more than anything this post reminds me that we come around again, time after time, to the same places we've been--whether literally or figuratively--but the passage of that time has changed us, our circumstances, the actual place we are revisiting. In many ways it's quite a comfort. In many ways it is scary and dreadful.
But picturing you on those ski lifts, separated, you say, I only see togetherness. And it's charming, Linda, quite charming!
we go to la jolla every summer -- much to my husband's dismay. he likes to mix things up (and maybe doesn't want to vacay with my fam every year!). but my girls ADORE it and talk about it all year. my sister and i lament the end of the week long before it starts -- that's how precious it is. i have the love/hate thing with flag, too, BTW.
ReplyDeleteMy family and I go to visit our friends in Bufflao every year. When time and children temeraments permit, we stroll around the college campus where husband and I met almost 28 years ago.
ReplyDeleteEveryone there seems so YOUNG!
Our vacations recently have been more of the staycation kind and they really do blend into the rest of summer. This year, though, is a cross country trip. I'm looking forward to it (although I might need to schedule a weekend alone to recuperate afterwards).
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