Sunday, April 11, 2010

Purse of Shame

Well, I've really been dragging my feet ever since Maria of Mother of Three Seeks Sanity tagged me on What's In Your Bag. I guess I didn't want to admit that I'm stupid enough to carry a purse that costs as much as a small Caribbean island. Nor did I want to admit that I'm stupid enough to carry a purse that one of my children could actually hop inside if they need to, but that by itself can easily dislocate my shoulder. But here I am, finally, shame-faced, with my purse, the Louis Vuitton Galleria Bag, which I love.

I think I've written before about my little teensy, weensy shopaholic problem, right? Also, about how, being raised by the Holocaust Survivor immigrants, who wouldn't pay for anything but food or shelter, I then ended up, after my dad's death, a member of probably the only Jewish family in Scottsdale receiving food stamps?  These things have quite an impact on the heart of a girl. Once I had a little bit of money, I always had a decent purse, and a matching wallet and planner. And eyeglass case. And key chain. And then another purse when I got sick of the first purse. (About this time, people start feeling really sorry for Husband. I know.) 

Now for the inside. Here's what came out when I dumped it:

Really. This is the purse you don't go into without a flashlight. The purse you venture near in fear of coming out alive. Will your hand get bitten off by an animal that crawled in by mistake and has now built a nest in its interior? Could there be a family of vagrants in there? Can it double as a flotation device? Or is it like Mary Poppins' purse - will I one day pull out a lamp from there?

Anyway, that's the accumulated paper from several weeks of lists I lost (there they are!) and receipts for restaurants or returns or whatever shopaholics do when they're avoiding writing.

Then I cleaned up all the garbage and came up with this:

1) Yes, not only am I big enough idiot to spend top dollar for a Louis Vuitton purse, but I've also spent top dollar for the matching accessories - wallet, checkbook, eyeglass case and keychain (and agenda - not shown)- but, hey, I only had to buy them once. You should have seen me when I carried Dooney & Bourke back in the duck days - I had to buy everything in each color.

2) Two Jazzercise membership cards for my two locations. 

3) My little pal, the BlackBerry, which has enslaved me to its blinking light.

4) My mini Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous because I'm a twelve-stepper for my weight. Obviously not a twelve-stepper for my shopping yet! One addiction at a time, right?

5) Weight Watchers Point Calculator because even in my program you have to have a food plan and mine is WW points and has been for 10 years.

6) Lactase for lactose intolerance in clear containeer, inhaler for asthma, some headache pills in blue container for husband. (I know, he should carry his own purse.)

7) Floss sticks, lipstick, mirror, hair ties, tissues and manicure kit. None of which I can ever find.

8) Husband's reading glasses (should I get him his own Louis Vuitton eyeglass case?)

9) Back up house and car keys because I'm stupid enough to have locked myself out of my house before but neurotic enough to immediately be able to whip out the backup keys and get back in.

10) Missing: my notebook. I wrote down a great idea for a story, brought it into my office and forgot to put it back.

Also missing: all of our money.

I'll pass the fun (and humiliation) along to these friends:

BLW from Big Little Wolf's Daily Plate of Crazy (tell me your bag's French, Wolfie!), and to
Ellen at Weighting Around

Are you a "purse person?" Do you need everything to match? Do you spend too much on one particular item in your wardrobe and then nearly nothing on the rest? What's hiding in your bag?


  1. I have a dooney and bourke bag I found at a thrift store....I bought a matching colored wallet...but not a dooney & bourke wallet. I traded it in for a walmart puse in black with silver accents because it matches my blach and white tweed jessica simpson jacket much better than my blue and brown D&B purse. lol.
    In my purse resides a tweezer case with mirror and tweezers...lip liner and gloss, eyeliner, mascara, gum and my wallet. I can do without a pen, I can't do without lipliner.
    It doubles.

  2. Chris, if I could find that lipstick inside that purse I'd use it more often. I love the purse but could they put a few pockets in it?

    My kids think that I'm a mobile office. They've actually asked me for tape. Like I carry that.

  3. Oops, looks like I've been tagged. I'll fess up, but I doubt my purse is as interesting as yours!

  4. I love a really good bag, so I'm guilty there. I've never had matching accessories tho. I'm very impressed!
    Good reason to clean out the bag...

  5. Flossers? Really? Awesome.

  6. I think if you splurge for a gorgeous Vuitton bag, matching accessories are a MUST!! I would have zero guilt on that front!

    Had to laugh--whenever I carry a big purse, it does, indeed, need a flashlight to find anything in there. And I am impressed that your oral hygiene is so pristine!

  7. I am a purse addict too. For pure browsing really. Since I am Chinese, from Taiwan, I figure if I carry an LV bag people are just going to assume it's a fake and I cannot even defend myself by saying, "Hey, it's real ok? I know what you are thinking. It ain't no fake." *sigh*

    If you ever feel guilty about your little addiction, just visit this one: There is no way you are a worse addict than these ladies here. (Some men too, well, but they DO prefer to be thought of as ladies...)

  8. **giggle** Well, since I have a child still in diapers, I still have the gartantuan diaper bag- and it's Coach. So, it's a diaper bag bound to get filthy and yet I still paid entirely too much money for it. It's huge and I think I could actually lose Zoe in it. You are lucky- you can dump out all the trash onto what looks like a nice bedspread... if I dumped out the contents of my diaper bag, I'm pretty sure crumbs and partially-eaten food would fall out and ruing said bedspread.

  9. "ruin"... the crumbs are overtaking my brain too.

  10. When I get the chance to escape (I mean, go out) without the diaper bag, I go in the opposite direction. I choose the teeniest, tiniest purse I can find, and it usually only fits my wallet and phone. And was probably purchased at Target. (Maybe I shouldn't admit that??) =>

  11. I am not a purse person. I keep a small and large brown and black one for a total of 4 (and I buy them where ever I happen to be when I realize mine is worn out). They do get rather messy, though.

  12. My purse used to look like that. It got so heavy I was listing to one side. I downgraded to something smaller. Now, I can't find anything, but I don't list, either. So, I am constantly going back to the "big" purse whenever I need something. It was expensive, but it was a gift from an ex-boyfriend. We broke up before I got the matching wallet and stuff. It was still a good decision. That was not a good relationship. It wasn't worth a matching wallet and other acccessories. Plus it now sits in my closet. I am just glad you didn't tag me. I wouldn't have known if I had to use one purse or both...

  13. OMG. And I just wandered over here innocently, after my day of yo-yo driving (as opposed to yo yo ma or yo-yo-mama). Ah oui, four trips to/from the high school. Plop down (at last) to enjoy a good read and a laugh (and I do) - until SURPRISE! A homework assignment!!

    Nope. No French purse. But, um, which purse? (Surely you didn't think all those hot little stilettos came sans appropriate belts, scarves and pocket books??)

    I feel a conundrum coming on. (Where's my Excedrin? Damn. In one of my purses.)

  14. Linda! Your bag is gorgeous! I know that doesn't mean much coming from the self-confessed fashion zero over here, but even I know a thing of beauty when I see it.

    I feel a sudden burst of inspiration to check eBay for a fabulous purse...

  15. I can't get myself to buy an expensive purse. I will spend money on everything else...why not a purse? I can't wait to check the contents of my bag. We both might be surprised!

    If my pockets were big enough I would never even carry a bag. The pressure to match bag to shoes to outfit has always been just too overwhelming to me. And then changing bags. No way. I barely brush my hair.

    I wish I could be a purse person. Maybe it will be part of the rest of my life.

    thanks for passing the torch.

    I'll look and tell tomorrow!

  16. What a fabulous purse!!

    I love that you dumped it out and took a picture of it. If I managed to dump mine out, we would have a severe crisis on our hands. One that would include food remains and wrappers. Yuck.

  17. Ellen, it's just kind of fun to snoop in other people's bags - without risk of arrest!

    Maureen, I should have tagged you. I'd love to see if you're the only person on Martha's Vineyard with a suspiciously expensive bag!

    Jen and TKW, You mean not EVERYONE carries millions of little floss sticks everywhere? Huh. I just have these really big gopher teeth that trap an unusual amount of food. Really.

  18. Absence - so funny that no matter what you'd say people would never believe you'd pay for the real bag! :) But YOU'D know (or at least you'd know that you were broke!)

    And I went to that website - very strange! I don't think I'll be posting a picture of "me and my Louis" any time soon!

  19. Jennifer, that bedspread doesn't look so great close up. The shopaholic just bought a duvet for it - it's still stashed in the closet, but soon I will sneak it onto the cover! No crumbs in the purse (12-step = no snacking!) but you should see the backseat of my car from the kids!

  20. Stacia, I can relate. If I go out dancing with my husband (so far averaging one time per year) I take a tiny, over-the-head bag. And I do have other, cast-off purses in my closet. But there has to be a very good reason to switch purses. As you can see, I'm not very organized!

  21. My "purse of shame" is travel, can't seem to stop no matter the credit card interest charges. But I have an answer for your guilty "problem" - purse party at my house next month (fake, fake, fake, cheap, cheap, cheap!)

  22. Charlotte, Sometimes I wish I wasn't a Louis Vuitton addict because I see all sorts of cute purses at every store I go into - including Target! But then I think about my accessory problem and, blah blah blah, I just stick with it. It's easier than changing!

  23. Robin, Nice ex-boyfriend buying the expensive bag! I had a boyfriend one time who would just show up with paintings and amazing stuff (still have some of it around here!), but I think it was all to compensate for being an emotional zero. The worst thing about this gigantic purse of mine - besides listing to one side? I am always knocking into people, knocking things over and no one can get past me where ever I'm standing! That's how you know your purse is too darn big!

  24. Shoot, BLW, I should have made yours a special exception tag on SHOES! But, hey, I'm willing to nose around your bag!

  25. Kristen, except for that gorgeous bag (thanks!) I, too, am a fashion zero! Every day the same uniform: jeans, shirt, sandals.

    And watch out for the fakes on ebay! This purse I don't think I've seen in knock-offs, but there are other styles that are pretty common. Check the feedback (I'm sure you know that!)

  26. Terry, despite your purse-o-phobia I do consider us a type of twins separated at birth! I'm just the evil (older) twin with the shopping problem!

    And loved your post about the tiny bag!

  27. Amber, thanks! And it's plenty messy - see picture #2 with all those receipts - just no food. That's all in the backseat of my car surrounding Daughter. Her side of the car looks like a garbage can and her seat is black. No food is allowed in the expensive bag!

  28. Lisa, LOVE that your equivalent is travel and to hell with the cost! That's exactly the same thing!