Monday, January 4, 2010

A Dunce of a Mom

Daughter is in her fifth day of being sick and today had her second doctor appointment, at which I finally convinced the doctor to put Daughter on an antibiotic. Then I told my mom about it.

My mom loves nothing better than to search and search out a problem and find a solution. The solution to the problem of Daughter being sick was simple: it was because of my shoddy parenting. Everything can always be blamed on me.

She says, "You probably didn't dress her warm enough. That's how she got sick in the first place."

Thanks, mom.

Or, "You didn't feed her enough. She's too skinny. She wouldn't get sick if she weighed more." Okay, that's number two. But since she's starting to rile me up, I'm wondering if it's time to get off the phone yet. Have we talked long enough?

Then I get, "You never should have taken her to the football game yesterday."

Look, if it was up to me, you can bet I would have chosen a day at home with Sick Daughter to a day with eighty thousand screaming and yelling fans at a football stadium, but my mom knows Cheap Husband pretty well by now. There's no way he would willingly say goodbye to $200 on Daughter's unused seat at the game. This is actually outside the realm of possibility.

I'm not saying I'm not a complete dunce of a mother. There are some things that I'm so stupid about that it's scary. I can't put a meal together to save my life. I'm too lenient, constantly wanting to give my kids the childhood I never had by buying it for them. But I know my medical. With nearly lifelong asthma and eighteen years working for a Gigantic Insurance Company, I know my medical. I can diagnose, I can treat. I just can't prescribe or I would've had Daughter on an antibiotic already.

Now that I've been insulted enough, I'm ready to get off the phone, but my mom's not. Before our call ends, she squeezes one more in. One to ruin my week and give me guilt. She says, "You can't send her to school tomorrow. You better keep her home all week."

Thanks, mom. Glad I called.


  1. oy.
    nuff said.
    luckily, it's an illness and it will pass.
    Your mother however....
    Tellher you found a new way to get rid of colds.
    You take a hat and dip it in water, freeze it in the fridge and then put it on your daughters' head and take her for a walk when it gets nice and brisk.
    Toughens em up.
    My mouth gets me in trouble all the time.
    So ignore me ....
    Have a better tomorrow.
    Your a good mother.

  2. Linda, your mom is a character. Completely and totally. How do you actually respond to her when she says these outlandish things? I admire your patience! But I suppose it's a testament to the solidity and love at the root of your the relationship that you seem to just nod and say, "Okay, Mom."

  3. Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

  4. Ah, mothers. My husband often asks me why I call my mom with any sort of problem, or when I'm down because I am usually more frustrated, or down, when I get off the phone with her. (I love her, but discussions are not her forte.)

    Were you at the Fiesta Bowl by chance? Because, if you were,my dad, sister, and 2 brothers were in attendance as well. Good game, huh? ; )

  5. Linda - She has been in RARE form... good luck and I hope that Rachel feels better soon! Carly

  6. life got easier when my mom and I just started talking about the weather - hope your baby gets better quick!

  7. Chris, my mom will always find something I did wrong. Even if I didn't let my daughter out of the house ever and kept her bundled in blankets and coats. You wouldn't believe how we ran wild as kids when it was her watch!

  8. Kristen, Here's what I said to my mom: "Mom, unsolicited advice is always criticism." Of course, she was criticizing, but she thought she was giving advice. Anyway, I thought it was an improvement on how I used to handle it - scream and yell!

  9. Carly, Yes she has been in rare form. And what I love is that she's been sick nonstop for months (I know, I've been writing about it!). So much for all her theories!

    And Anonymous- thank you for visiting the blog and thanks for the compliment.

  10. Ambrosia, I call my mom every day, probably because I'm just some kind of goody-two-shoes, I guess.

    And we were at the last season game in the Phx stadium, Cardinals vs. Green Bay, not the Fiesta Bowl. Football just goes on and on and on...