And what's worse is that I have a mysterious type of ailment. Part asthma. Part exhaustion. Part massive throbbing headache. Could it be the years upon years that I've spent staying up till two in the morning writing the darn book? Could it be all the years of getting four to five hours of sleep per night, all catching up with me at once?
Gone are the days of me waking up like a robot, showing up at my exercise class, magically appearing everywhere I'm supposed to be. Now I'm lucky if I can lift my head from my pillow. I crawl out of the house just in time to pick up Bar Mitzvahzilla from high school at 2:20 each day and then I creak over to Daughter's school to get her at 3:15. And that's the total of my big daily activity. I walk back in the house and fall back on my bed exhausted. I can feel my muscles atrophying.
Yet, somehow, when Husband hauled me off to the ER, I wasn't sick enough for them. They triaged me right to the bottom of the list, making me wait six hours and talking to me about the "impression of not being able to breath." Although with all the tests they did I guess I know it's not fatal.
You know you're really sick when, instead of the daughter taking care of the elderly mother - like I normally do - the eighty-year-old mother has to call me ten times a day worried sick about whether I'm dying. Today she even had my nearly deaf eighty-six-year-old stepfather call. I could hear her yelling at him in the background as he fumbled with the phone, "WHAT BOB? YOU CAN'T ASK HER HOW SHE IS?"
And, because of the hearing thing, because of the eighty-six-year-old thing, when he asked how I was, it was just simpler to say, "Fine, I'm fine."
And maybe I will be. Tomorrow.
Ever had illness get in the way of your plans? Ever had to become the patient when you've been the caretaker?
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http://www.amazon.com/Looking-Up-Memoir-Sisters-Survivors/dp/145647068X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1305613872&sr=8-1
Oh my gosh, Linda! Congratulations on the book, but what the heck with that illness? I hate that for you.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to buy your book and read it.
You just delivered a big, beautiful BABY!!! Of course you're tired! Take it easy, imagine the "impression" of breathing and I hope you get well very soon :)
ReplyDeleteMy Kindle's in the mail, and your book is going to be my first e-book purchase! Hope that helps you feel a teeny, teeny bit better. Boo for mystery ailments.
ReplyDeleteOh I hope you feel better soon!
ReplyDeleteOh Jeez, Linda! I sure hope you're feeling better soon! (And screw those damnable ER staffers who look you over and shove you to the bottom of the heap! Half the time I wonder if they even realize who's nearly dead and who isn't... but that's a story for another day...)
ReplyDeleteFEEL BETTER SOON. (Think chicken soup, chicken soup, book sales GOING UP, and chicken soup!)
xoxo
Hi! I found you through the Kitchen Witch.
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain. Last year I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS). The Epstien-Barr virus that caused my mono in high school laid dormant for 24 years and then reactivated when I was under a huge period of stress. It took me 8 weeks and lots of B12 shots to get over it. Good luck and congrats on your book!
panic? It's kind of the big kahuna as it were....hugs hon. You can do this....maybe y ou should take a few days and go to a spa. back massage...etc. let go of some of the stress. I read your excerpt. Very cool and can't wait to read the book. Thanks for your comment on my last post. I have been kind of working some steps unintentionally...I said to someone once that my food addiction was a heart issue...and it is. And there is only one person who can cure the heart. that is G*d.
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling you will feel better soon. Hang in there.
I so hope you feel better! That sounds terrible.
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU for making your book available on Kindle. I have downloaded and it is next on the list to enjoy!
ReplyDeleteIn the meantime, take care of yourself. A little chicken soup never hurt anybody and after birthing your book, I am sure that the rest is more than deserved!!
Thanks, Lisa! I've alternated between diagnosing myself with Valley Fever, blaming it on our new cats, and H1N1 (except that I've been vaccinated twice). The doctors just tell me I'm fine. I'M NOT FINE!
ReplyDeleteLisa, I know. I want to think it's like some kind of accumulated exhaustion, some spiritual thing, or maybe one of my sisters sticking pins in a voodoo doll of me :), but, I don't know. Still sick. And I'm turning into blubber.
ReplyDeleteStacia, thank you! I can't wait to be your first Kindle book! I have the Kindle app on my iPad and it's beautiful. Of course, I also can't read on my iPad in daylight, which you'll be able to do!
ReplyDeleteKaren, thank you!
ReplyDeleteBLW, it's so frustrating, that whole ER thing. Like you just want to be justified by being RUSHED in, yet, of course, you don't want to be dying, or anything! But how annoying to be sick day after day and have to track down the doctor who says all the tests are normal?
Erica, thank you for visiting! I've read your blog before and am a fan. And thank you for the tip on the B12. How I forget that exists, I don't know, but I've been swallowing bottles (just kidding) since I read your comment! Unfortunately, or fortunately, the other symptoms don't seem similar to mine but how awful for you. I'm glad you recovered.
ReplyDeleteChris, in program, as a matter of fact, we say that we're trying to fill a G-d sized hole with whatever our addiction is, food in our case. Thanks on the get well wishes. I'm such a stubborn person it's really hard to accept this weakness/illness, whatever. And even if I accept it, I only want to accept it for a short time period. I have to let go of outcomes, I guess. Sound familiar? :)
ReplyDeleteGetrealmommy, thanks for the well wishes!
ReplyDeleteMaria, thank you for ordering the book! Can't wait to hear what you think! And I am being forced to rest, that is one thing. Frustrating when I feel like I need to be promoting, but, oh well...
Linda ~I feel SO badly for you!Here you are with your BIG accomplishment and you can not even go wild and celebrate. 6 hours in the ER. re you kidding me!
ReplyDeleteYou KNOW something isn't right - keep going to dr's til someone listens and can help you.
Ordering your book!!
Have a pretty day!
Kristin
Kristen, thank you about the book! Today I had a glimmer of hope that the real me was out ther - or in here - somewhere. It didn't last all day, but any change is a change for the better!
ReplyDeleteI couldn't help the little smile at "fine, fine."
ReplyDeleteAnd since the world didn't come to an end today - we're all doing better, right?
Anyway - hope you are - AND - your book just arrived in my mail! (Gotta love Amazon.)
Thank you, BLW! It's exciting - and terrifying- to think of my book out in the world like this, but also wonderful to think of it arriving on your doorstep!
ReplyDeleteI hope you are feeling better!
ReplyDeleteI was the patient last summer after my rotator cuff surgery. Dear husband was so concerned, he told me how glad he was when it was over. The poor man had to remove my morphine pump, help me shower wash my hair, and then dress me. I hated it!
mmm, I'm glad that's almost a year behind you! It sounds grueling and I understand how hard it was to accept that level of help, even from your husband! My biggest enemy may be myself, in that I always think I can just handle everything with a better "attitude." Not this time!
ReplyDeleteThought I would check in to see if you were feeling any better, but now I'm not sure if you're still sick or super busy with book promotion (and life as a writer and mom). So I'll remain curious and will check back soon.
ReplyDeletePlease know I'm thinking of you and wishing you well! xo
Im always the caretaker.
ReplyDeletehere's hoping you are better by now and STILL taking care of YOU.