Taste Testing

Today my husband, I, and Bar Mitzvahzilla went to the hotel to taste test the possible dishes for the party. We sat alone in the somewhat out of date restaurant while I thought a few things:
1) Hey, this place didn't look this run down 6 months ago when I booked it.
2) I could redo this decor with $50,000 bucks (watching too much hgtv)
3) Thank goodness the party is not going to be in the restaurant.

Then we made our decisions. Jicama field green salad, Thyme chicken, asparagus and baby carrots, and new potatoes. Of course, since I'm in a 12-step program for my food I could only eat one bite of each thing. And since I'm lactose intolerant, I had to keep popping lactase pills. And because I haven't eaten dessert in eight years, I had to pass on the dessert decision. And since I haven't drank liquor in eight years too, I don't quite get the open bar but we're doing it anyway. I am just loads of fun to have around.

So, since we want to do something fun for the kids, like hats, I've been trying to put a Jewish spin on that, like a hat shaped like a stovepipe but a shabbat candle. I asked my son what he thought about that and he said, "How about pimp hats?" Well that's pretty Jewish, I guess. I read an article about prostitution in Israel once. Maybe I can tie that in...

Living in Bar Mitzvahland

I know I'm not the first person to plan their son's Bar Mitzvah but I've decided I need an outlet to write about it and, for the first time, I don't want to do that privately. Since my son somehow got his mind wrapped around this idea of a REALLY big Bar Mitzvah (from his cousin's a few years ago - ignoring the fact that my sister has a lot more money than we do) here are the really stupid things I'm giving him:

printed kippahs
calligraphied invitations
being danced around on a chair
all of his friends

What I won't give in on - that stupid candle-lighting ceremoney - is this Jewish? We decided we'd set up a few candles only to remember family members who aren't there to celebrate the joyous event with us and because in Judaism it's always important to temper joy with sorrow (such as smashing the glass at the wedding.) No videographer running around making everyone hold the mike and gush to my son. No "this is your life" photo montage playing endlessly on a monitor in the room.

My son and I agree on no theme for the party that has nothing to do with being Jewish, and the colors of the Israeli flag for the tables.

But it's like holding back a tidal wave. The other day we got a "save the date" for one of his friends and it was a snow globe with the girl's picture in it.

This is not going to be the biggest thing that happens to my son in his life. When he gets to the chuppah, we'll talk.