What a difference a few years makes. I remember sitting there (standing there, running there) with my kids and looking longingly at the families with older children, children the ages of mine now, Bar Mitzvahzilla fifteen and Daughter eleven. I mean, I enjoyed that whole baby thing, and what was really ever cuter than Daughter in a little dress crawling with matching pantaloon thingies on anyway? But still. Services.
Still, we never put our kids in the babysitting offered and dreaded the "children's service" since we couldn't hear ourselves think. And we felt sorry for the Rabbi who'd have to conduct the service over the din. And we - okay I - really think that kids have to learn how to stand still. Especially considering that they spend the rest of the time ripping our house to shreds, for example. I explain to them that it's not that Husband and I love being at services, but it's Rosh Hashana. It's kind of amazing that we're still Jewish thousands of years later. Not to mention the Holocaust.
Do they complain before we go? Yes. Do they ask questions about why we have to go? Yes. This year I got a double whammy from Daughter since the first day was her birthday. Wait just a minute. I have to go to services on my birthday? Lucky her, I explained, sharing a birthday with the birthday of the world! I swear, I can put a positive spin on anything.
She was born on a different Rosh Hashana, eleven years ago. Because of Bar Mitzvahzilla's preemie birth, she had to be delivered four weeks early, on 9-9-99, as a matter of fact. By Yom Kippur I was back in synagogue with my newborn in my arms and the congregation oohing and aahing over her. She's grown up there, whether she realizes it or not.
So don't rush my Rosh Hashana, kids. Some things take the time they take. Time to sit and time to stand. Time to think about the last year and the year to come. And time to both whisper and yell at the kids at the same time.
So relax and enjoy it. Because Yom Kippur is right around the corner.
How do you handle the inevitable protests of children not wanting to go to religious services? Do you have a long history at your house of worship? Can you think back to the different ages of your children on the same holiday over the years?
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I'm participating in the Global Day of Jewish Learning and write this post in anticipation of November 7, 2010, when Jews around the world will share a day of dialogue and exploration.
I adore this. We attended pretty laaaiiid back services (I was raised reconstructionist) HOWEVER sitting nicely and reverently was a non-negotiable.
ReplyDeleteNow that I have my own child Ive started reflecting and wondering how on EARLY my parents got us all to sit there nicely and not yammer or keep geting up and going out for "water" or to use the "bathroom" (quotes are because I know we'd never really wanna do either---but just screw around :)) as there is not an option for my child either.
sit
be reverent
playing is not an option.
This is a beautiful way to think about services. I have to admit that I am a very non-observant Jew. And my husband is a very non-observant non-Jew. My boys consider themselves Jewish and had Bar Mitzvahs, but going to services has just not been something we do very often. I remember when I was young, sitting next to my dad and playing with the fringe on his tallis. My freshman year of college I went home for the high holidays and announced I was not going to services with my family. That did not go over well.
ReplyDeleteIt was delightful to meet you and your family. Happy Birthday Daughter.
ReplyDeleteMiz, Okay, I just realized my daughter did disappear to the bathroom for a while! Oh well. It's a process, right? And for me, since I was raised with just about nothing by my Holocaust Survivor parents, I really appreciate the Judaism I've clawed my way to by myself. I think if I was raised with my parents taking us to services more, I'd have taken if for granted just like most of the kids do.
ReplyDeleteKaren, we don't go to services very much either and I am the complete illiterate with my utter lack of Jewish education. Sometimes I think that if I went to a "more fun" synagogue then we'd go more but what am I going to do? Go to one where it's all singing and dancing? For some reason Husband and I feel comfortable in the stodgy Conservative one! Oh well.
ReplyDeleteSara, that was so funny, finally running into you at Har Zion! And you see, my whole cast of characters really exists! Maybe I'll run into you at Yom Kippur, except we have an aliyah in the main sanctuary...
ReplyDeleteThat was well-written and touching. I find the Jewish religion to be a very beautiful one.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jennifer. We'll see how much kicking and screaming I get this weekend!
ReplyDeleteI'm Greek Orthodox...When i was a kid, my parents would insist I sit through these services i couldn't understand. Truth is, I felt like a convict.
ReplyDeleteWishing to avoid this with my kids I have tried to build respect for all religions by visiting places of worship - not just Christian. By discussing God... by giving them what they can handle and slowly building up the threshold.
I explain the ritual to them. Whisper in their ear what they are seeing. But if they cannot sit still I take them away. There are many ways to God. We also read bible stories...talk about goodness in our lives. Everything is linked.
Truth is, I learn a lot about prayer from my children. They seem to have this intuitive way about it...
That is lovely. I wish I knew more about Judaism. It has wonderful traditions. I suppose before all is said and done I will end up reading the Torah and other religious books to try and sort it all out. I am feeling the need to dig a little deeper.
ReplyDeleteStaying quiet during religious services- the bane of my existence! Actually, my kids are getting old enough that it isn't as bad anymore. Sometimes I even get to listen to half the service. I'm lucky. So far none of my kids have complained about going to church. Even though it is 3 hours every week. Keeping my fingers crossed on that one.
ReplyDeletePurple Cow, A convict! That is so funny. I have described our seders during my teen years many times as "lock down seders." No leaving the table - no matter what!
ReplyDeleteAnd like you I also teach my kids a lot about other faiths because they need to know not only why we believe what we believe but why we don't believe other things. Luckily I studied a lot of that in college (only Jew studying the Medieval Catholic church - um, maybe!)
Robin, I just read Chris' post and saw she had something about Judaism too! Oy, you are being inundated this week! My favorite book for any interfaith learning is (believe it or not) "Idiot's Guide to the Jewish Religion." Let me tell you, that's an amazing book with a remarkably in-depth look at the entire faith.
ReplyDeleteCharlotte, what am I complaining about? You have six kids and three hours every week! I think two years ago was the first time my husband and I really felt like we got the full Jewish New Year experience. Like the kids were old enough that we could ignore their objections! And, post Bar Mitzvah, guess what, my son's a "man" himself and needs to stop whining!
ReplyDeleteI still get whining when I announce we are going to Mass, yet, it seems to be getting easier now that Joshua is getting older. The hardest is on Good Friday, when the service is about an hour and a half long. The Easter Vigil,which is my favorite Mass of the year, is over 2 hours. I have had to go by myself or with my oldest, since my younger two would have to be in straightjackets if made to sit (and kneel) thorughout those two services...
ReplyDeleteAnd yet, there is something so beautiful about those services. The tradition, the symbolism that has grown throughout the ages...
Butting in to giggle about your comment about being the only Jew studying Medieval Catholic church. And also to point out that I too think interfaith study is important. Awhile back I wanted to do some meditation.. the kind where you relax and focus on what the meaning of life is and search for your purpose ... and I browsed quite a few meditation books and fell in love with, and bought, of all things- a Jewish meditation book. It actually felt the most comfortable for me and was offering just what I was looking for in my meditation.
ReplyDeleteMaria, if you want to make your kids feel better tell them that my kids have to go 2 hours this Friday night and then FIVE hours on Saturday! It's enough to make them want to renounce their faith! And Easter has some pretty good rewards, right. There's a fun side. Trust me, there's no fun side to Yom Kippur. There's fasting and then an all-fish meal. Typical.
ReplyDeleteJennifer, the minute I wrote that I suddenly thought about how much I miss studying the Church! I loved studying the early church with the medieval churchmen, later Saints. My son's pretty impressed with my thorough knowledge of the Barbarian Tribes too, which earns me some major points!
ReplyDeleteBut really, since I was raised a complete ignoramous, the Complete Idiot's Guide to Understanding Judaism (okay, I looked it up) is incredible. One of the coolest things I read in it is that there are two Hebrew names for God, one feminine and one masculine, intended to denote God's feminine and masculine nature. Why didn't I know that already?
Like so many experiences, Rosh Hashana is another one we as parents tend to rush our children through so they don't embarrass, exhaust or distract us. I'm sorry to say I was no different when my kids were small. I thought I can't wait until they can handle church, a family gathering, a movie, etc. Now that they are 21, 18 and 7, I realize I should have been more present and understood this too shall pass...way too soon.
ReplyDeleteIt has been a while since I commented, summer took me away to a very busy place. I loved this post. My kids have the same experiences and last Sunday we sat through a 2 hour service as my parish turned 90 and the Bishop of Pittsburgh was there. It was a big deal. I brought my mum and Mother in law and 3 girls. 2 were alter serving and one was sitting quietly between her two grandmothers. As communion started I wached all the younger families pass by with babies in tow and had tears in my eyes. I loved that time too but am glad my path is moving forward to a new place.
ReplyDeleteMy best friend is Jewish so we get to participate in the high holidays with them. I love reading your blog so much, you always give me a bit on insight to the Jewish faith.
ps. I love the way your website looks, I hope to be up and running on my blog soon.
Happy New Year
Joely, I'm so happy to see you again! Summer put me in a quasi-hiatus, but I managed to drag myself to the computer about every week to ten days. It was all I had in me, honestly!
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way you do about the babies - that I had my time being the mom of babies and now I'm really cherishing this age for my kids. They really keep me on my toes. With my son in high school I swear some days I'm using every bit of wisdom I've got to enable him to meet the various challenges that come up. So far, so good, but it's only 6 weeks into Freshman year!
And on the blog design, I used the new template designer, which I love. The only problem is I want to redesign with every post! I have to restrain myself!
I have been away all summer due to surgery and illness...recovering nicely now. L'shana Tovah!
ReplyDeleteI love this. Yes indeed, some things take the time they take. (But how do ten days pass so quickly?)
ReplyDeleteA very sweet new year to you and your family.
I can imagine that it would be QUITE a challenge to get your kids to co-operate (especially for loooong services).
ReplyDeleteWe have a different approach - I stay home with the little one, and the kid(s) are only going to get to go to services when they are old enough to get something out of it. Until then, it's home with mommy!
The whole male/female names of G-d *is* pretty cool. One of the things I love about Judaism is that I'm always learning new things. Talk about never being bored.
Mommymommymommy, good to see you again! I hope your shoulder is doing well!
ReplyDeleteyou know. I finally found a church that I can stand two weeks ago.
ReplyDeleteI have been looking for two years. The funny thing is for a while my husband wanted me to convert to catholicism (he was raised nominally catholic) I spent one whole church service up and down up and down and didn't understand a thing. Then I went to classes...about the time they told I commit myself to church and not to God I got up and left.
Baptists have to come to the front and say they place their faith in Christ in front of everyone. The baptism is a confession as well.
I tried this newfangled church that seemed 'fun'...but was so light duty I felt like I had cake for dinner. So down I went to a good old southern baptist church for 45 minutes of solid bible preaching and some stuffy hymns. much better. lol. My youngest loves it...she does sunday school. My oldest introduces herself as someone who thinks aliens are real, in the hopes that I won't make her go anymore. But this tough nut don't crack.
I was raised first in a conservative temple, and then we switched to reform. My first cousin is the rabbi at the temple (reform)ten minutes from where I live, and I'm not a member. I've very much distanced myself from organized religion, finding it tedious and righteous. (I've never been accused of being politically correct!) I do, however, honor everyone's right to practice they're religion.
ReplyDeleteOn that note, I started a Facebook page called, "Jews for Muslims" since I've been so disheartened by the way we Americans have been treating our fellow American-Muslims. It reminds me of how the Holocaust began - a slow brain-washing of people into believing an entire people are evil and should be shut down.
OMG, I'm rambling! Happy New Year to all my Jewish friends and family. Although I'm not observing the holidays in the traditional sense, I will spend time contemplating who I've been this past year and who I want to become. I love that about Yom Kippur - taking inventory of yourself and your life. It's a beautiful thing. ;-)
BLW, I told my husband that, as usual, our congregation would have a bunch of people wearing white for Yom Kippur. He said, "Well, I don't exactly have a white suit." I guess he wasn't doing the John Travolta thing in 1977... But, yes, the ten days went quickly. My daughter keeps thinking of her days off. She keeps forgetting services!
ReplyDeleteRivki, about leaving the kids home, I will admit that during Yizkor, when the kids aren't allowed in, my husband and I always have had our most amazing spiritual moments. I can't even imagine doing that with them there. And I do feel that Judaism is always unfolding for me; I'm always learning something new that is exactly what I would want a religion to be to speak to my heart, and it is the one I was born. No mistake there!
ReplyDeleteDebra, I think maybe if my parents hadn't been survivors and if they had inundated me with religion as a kid, maybe I would have gotten burned out. But maybe not. I love being Jewish and I had to teach myself everything I know from the day I walked in a Hillel in 1981. And I agree with you about the beauty of the Yom Kippur focus on reviewing our year and making a new start with the new year. It's pretty powerful. Thanks for visiting.
ReplyDeleteChris, I remember reading your blog post about you finding a church that felt right. That's great. And I'm like you, a bit tough about the kids need to be there. They thought it went pretty quickly this time and it was long. But there's a cadence to services that they need to know and I think once they learn that there's also a sense of accomplishment.
ReplyDeleteAnd I totally agree that what feels right, feels right. Just like you like the "stuffy Bible preaching and stuffy hymns" I like a lot of Hebrew, even though I had an awful religious education and could use more transliteration. But I should learn IT, it doesn't have to reach down to me, the most illiterate member. I don't need it to change for me; I need to change for it. The Hebrew is eternal, my ignorance can go.