So, being a shameless opportunist, I thought, Maybe we can go out of town while she's gone! But then I thought, But what will we do with Bar Mitzvahzilla?
The next four weeks were a wild, rocky roller coaster, not knowing from one day to the next if our trip was on or off.
We couldn't go. After all, Bar Mitzvahzilla had to go to school each day. And football practice. And Hebrew High.
We could go. Bar Mitzvahzilla, it turned out, was on Fall Break the very same week as Daughter's trip. No school and we'd wiggle out of football practice and one session of Hebrew High.
We couldn't go. Who would keep him overnight?
We could go. My sister.
We couldn't go. My sister was moving and, just our luck, had moved forty miles from our house the day before we were leaving.
We could go. She'd meet us half way to get Bar Mitzvahzilla.
We couldn't go. Daughter started worrying about the trip. Her stomach started acting up.
We could go. Psychosomatic illness.
We couldn't go. Daughter, now crazed with separation anxiety, kept herself up half the night before her trip worrying about missing me. (Somehow she never worries about missing Husband.)
We could go. Planted her on a bunch of pillows on the floor next to my bed and let her watch me all night.
And we did go. We both saw her off at school, carefully, like delicate china, since by then we had non-refundable reservations at a hotel. Then Husband drove Bar Mitzvahzilla to the drop off point, dropped him off, and we took off like a flash.
The next day, rejuvenated, newly back in love, back in our halcyon days of honeymoon and romance, we drove back into town and met Daughter after her return from her trip. Within seconds our romance fled out the windows of the car. We became The Parents once again. Then we picked up Bar Mitzvahzilla so the two of them could bicker at each other. And then we were complete: one bickering couple in the front seat and another bickering in the back.
But there's still that memory. I can live on that for awhile.
Do you ever get away without kids? Do you have to plot and sneak to do it? Does getting away rejuvenate your relationship? What do you do about fighting kids? Any nervious children?
I remember when my kids were younger how hard it was to get away, how guilty I felt asking for help and leaving them, how great it was to reconnect with my husband for that short time. We did not do it often enough! Recently we left our youngest home alone (gasp) for a weekend! THAT was hard. But rather than a romantic trip, hubby and I had two long traveling days with a Bat Mitvah sandwiched in the middle.
ReplyDeleteI am extremely lucky in that none of my kids have separation anxiety. I've left them for a couple days at friends, I've had sisters/mom come and watch them. My husband has even flown them out to parents and left them a couple days. It is nice to be able to sneak away from time to time!
ReplyDeleteAs far as the fighting kids part, I just ignore it the best I can. ;)
Linda, I loved so much about this post! We go through the same on-again-off-again routine whenever we plan to go somewhere. It's so exhausting that we wonder why we even try.
ReplyDeleteAnd then we go, and we remember why we love each other.
And then we come home and the buzz is almost immediately crushed by our children. Re-entry is always torturous.
Thanks for the smile this morning.
I love how TKW said re-entry is always torturous. That is the truth. I am always trying to get away!
ReplyDeleteWe do this all the time - we're going - were not going.... And... usually (because our kids are so young) end up not going. But... there are those moments of hope - like we might make it - though our plans our always tied to hubby's design conference or other business-related planned excursions. MANY times, I am left at home to get text photos of the inside of restaurants WE want to try in NYC or something.
ReplyDeleteAgree that often it is too exhausting to even attempt, but... worth it in the end. Glad you got out :-).
I was lucky, lucky, lucky with my one and only and had so many grandparents and a crazy sister who begged to take her for a day or so from the very beginning, giving us a lot of "couple" time. I loved your ongoing argument and hope you keep winning it and getting out there for some fun. It's the best thing you can do for the kids, too!
ReplyDeleteKaren, isn't it weird how hard it is/was to ask for help? It's pretty much impossible to remember who you are as a couple while you're constantly being parents!
ReplyDeleteCharlotte, you're not only lucky in having no separation anxiety among the kids, you're so lucky in having family who readily watches the 6 of them! I'm sure you do the same.
ReplyDeleteTKW, I love this, "the buzz is almost immediately crushed by our children." Okay, that's what happened to us. They stole our buzz! But, honestly, just knowing it's there, somewhere, to be found again, is something.
ReplyDeleteReading the comments was almost as good as the blog. "They stole our buzz." This was another Linda Classic. Loved it. We could go. We couldn't go. We could go. We couldn't go. So glad that you got one night of bliss. As you said, it may have fled when you got the kids back, but you know it is in there somewhere. There is hope.
ReplyDeleteJoely, the stars apparently have to allign just right for me to get away! My biggest problem is obviously the daughter. I guess I should just start planning ahead to her next class trip - fall 2011!
ReplyDeleteSherri, I get it, that it's exhausting for someone to take on even temporary parenthood but, still...
ReplyDeleteLisa, I agree. Isn't the best thing for the kids a stable marriage at the center of the family. You wouldn't think so if you asked my kids! And lucky, lucky you, with the much-coveted Shana!
ReplyDeleteRobin, I was talking to a friend at my exercise class who got divorced after a gazillion years of marriage and she said that she knew because when her final kid went off to college there was nothing there, just dread. So I guess that's the difference: whether it gets worse or better with the kids out of the loop!
ReplyDeleteI love how you went through the on-again, off-again stress of planning the getaway with each problem and resolution presenting itself. I feel I have this same problem making plans around my husband's work schedule. Every time I plan something important ( like a vacation or one of the kids' birthday parties) his work schedule changes or he finds out he has to go out of town! **sigh**
ReplyDeleteAs for getting away... yeah.. I dream of that day. That never happens. Seriously. The last time the two of us had a weekend alone sans kids was in 2005.
My littlest sister sounds exactly like your youngest. Albeit a 6-year-old version.
ReplyDeleteMy kids do pretty well when we need to leave them. Maybe because they get me all day and night long and need a break as well.
Jennifer, I've gotten really used to this crazy "shifting sand" feeling, unfortunately. Even with weekends. Are we going on a date? Do we have our son (= Babysitter) or do we have no son and our daughter plus a bonus friend? There's always a surprise when you have kids!
ReplyDeleteAmber, that's a great way to think of it - that the kids could use a break too! I'll have to try that one...
ReplyDeleteOh the perils of making a plan! So glad you got to execute it in the end. Re-entry into parenthood is always full of SUCK, no matter how fabulous the time away was, and how rejuvenating for the marriage.
ReplyDeleteWe became "morning people" because it's less likely that our kids will interrupt then.
ReplyDeleteWe did have one getaway. MathMan joined me on a business trip to New Orleans. It was probably the most fun we've had since we met.
Loved this post, Linda!
ReplyDeleteHusband and I planned our first solo weekend away since our older son was born. Alas, our big plan was waylaid by morning sickness and bed-rest. Now with #3 on the way, I have to wonder if and when we'll ever escape!
Sarah, Really, why do I ever try to make plans at all? All these years of parenthood should have taught me that all I can expect is that something will come up and, yes, re-entry will be awful.
ReplyDeleteLisa, funny on the different definition of "morning person!"
ReplyDeleteOur trips start off a little clunky at first - like first dates or something. And then it's like a honeymoon. But then we have to come back. :( I guess we do have to finish raising the children...
Kristen, you're right, a newborn will put a wrench in the going away plans for a while! I remember the first time we went away, it was like the kids had been surgically removed from me! I got used to that very quickly.
ReplyDeleteOh you make me laugh! Your description of the on-again-off-again trip is a crack up. And soooooo much like kids to equivocate if it actually means a parent might get away...
ReplyDelete