Friday, December 4, 2009

Bar Mitzvahzilla vs. the Burger

We went out to dinner tonight.  Bar Mitzvahzilla ordered the largest burger the restaurant had:  two half-pound hamburgers on one bun with a combination of french fries and onion rings on the side.  When it showed up, it was about eight inches tall.  Husband and I looked on in amazement.  How would Bar Mitzvahzilla fit this monstrosity in his mouth?  Who would win?  The burger or Bar Mitzvahzilla?

He made a quick job of the onion rings. Made it half way through the french fries.  He picked up the burger and tried to eat it.  Bar Mitzvahzilla is not the most coordinated fellow on the planet.  He's also fourteen, an age where his limbs all seem too big for him and everything seems slightly out of whack. 

Husband - the engineering type - was giving tips and advice from his side of the table. 

"Flip the burger over so it has a lower center of gravity and more stability," he said. 

I look at Husband.  Is he going to set up a rope and pulley system to get this thing into Bar Mitzvahzilla's mouth next?  Maybe he'd like the crayons the restaurant gave Daughter and the kid's menu to write on so he could come up with some quick algebraic calculations and devise a system of consumption?   

Finally, Bar Mitzvahzilla put the burger down.  A little worn out but still hungry, he began trolling for food on our plates.  First he ate half my quesadilla, then he mooched part of Daughter's hotdog, then he ate the contents of the bread basket in the middle of the table. 

In the box of take home food?  Two half-pound burgers.

Score:  Bar Mitzvahzilla 0 Burger 1 


  1. Good lord, sounds like he needed a back
    My husband once went to a conways redtop (It's a local phenomena) and he ate their burger, which if I remember correctly was as big as a plate...literally.
    The deal was if he could finish off that burger, he got the burger and dessert for free.
    He ate it....the whole thing. He had to give the dessert to me lol.
    They said they had only seen one other person do that.
    I am not sure what it is with mammoth food and america?

  2. I hope that Barmitzvahzilla will be able to recover from this initial stumble against the megaburger...perhaps victory will be his when he meets the burgers again as leftovers?

    Love the dry wit here, Linda. Thanks for a smile this morning.

  3. Congratulations to the burger!

  4. C - My husband would also do anything to get something free!

    Kristen - BZ is humiliated by the burger but undefeated. I don't know if he'll ever want a burger again, though...

    Lisa - The burgers won over a 14-year-old boy. Weird.