Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Living in the Palace

It all started with a psychic I saw many years ago, when I was single before I met Husband.

Things weren't going well in Jewish Singles. I needed a sneak peak into my future. As a matter of fact, my girlfriends and I all needed sneak peaks into our futures.

From time to time, we’d do this. We’d pool our money and go see some celebrity radio psychic who came to town, or we’d go for individual readings, or we’d Rent-A-Psychic, installing one in the conference room at work, split the fee, and then traipse in and out of the room, pretending we had appointments.

This particular time, I found my own psychic in the Yellow Pages and went alone. He seated me in his living room carefully, and suspended a plastic pyramid in the air over my head. I looked up, concerned now that he might be too New Agey for me. I wanted specific, practical information. Nothing about my eternal soul. I was thirty-one, after all. I needed to know about marriage and children - like would I ever have either? To my chagrin, he wanted to talk about my many illustrious lifetimes and why I was wasting this one working for an insurance company.

When I got him back on topic, he quickly coursed through it. Yeah, yeah - depending on how I handled the end of the relationship I was in - and it was definitely going to end, news to me - my true love could be close by or years away. Yeah, yeah - I was going to have two children, a boy and a girl. Then he sat up and got quiet, like he was listening to something from far away.

“Oh,” he said. “Here’s something interesting: your son is going to be a great world leader.”

Here’s my advice for anyone who ever hears this from a psychic: don’t tell your son that the psychic said this. Because even if you tell your son this story like it’s an amusing anecdote about this funny thing you once did, that son might suddenly use that as an excuse to never work hard again. Knowing that he’s going to be a great world leader, he can kick back, lay around like a huge bum on weekends, and barely rise from bed on weekdays. What does it matter anyway? How hard can he be expected to work? After all, his fate is sealed. He’s already been anointed King.

Since Bar Mitzvahzilla believes he’s going to be a great world leader, there are whole problems that have been removed from his agenda. Worried about his future? No. Worried about where to go to college or whether he’ll get in? No. Worried about what he’ll major in? No. When pressed on this last point, fine. International Politics.

One day, appalled at him for again getting out of bed five minutes before we have to leave for school, I say, “How do you know the psychic meant you? Maybe he didn’t say it would be my son, maybe he just said one of my children was going to be a great world leader. Maybe it’s your sister!”

Daughter, startled, is not comforted by this idea the way Bar Mitzvahzilla is. Her ambitions are a little lower, like really low. For a while she wanted to be a cleaning lady. Then she wanted to be a cook. Not a chef. Just a cook, like at McDonald’s. When given the cornucopia of occupation choices in the world, anything from, yes, World Leader to Scullery Maid, she will choose the lowliest, most miserable occupation.

But it’s okay because they’re a team. Bar Mitzvahzilla looks at Daughter and reassures her.

“Don’t worry. No matter what you are, you can live in the palace.”

Do your kids know what they want to be when they grow up? Is one of your children more ambitious than the other? Are they different than you at the same age? Ever seen a psychic?
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  1. My two girls couldn't be more different if they tried.
    My oldest...5'10 dark hair and dark eyes. Not interested in clothes...only science...science and good grades and becoming a zoologist...as in Doctor. She is not a people person. Has a sarcastic mouth (my fault) and loves to read and argue. (also my fault)
    My youngest, sophia....
    blondish reddish hair and blue eyes...
    short for her age (8)
    very light for her age.
    love clothes, music, drawing.
    I homeschool, so getting her to sit down and do math is incredibly hard.
    If she were in school I would get notes saying.
    "Sophie is a delightful girl, if she would just pay attention in class and stop talking to those around her" or "Sophie would do better if she would complete assignments.
    Math time is a litany of "This is sooooooo boring".
    I have to teach history through the lens of fashion.
    She loves The period just prior to the french revolution for the panniers.
    Kate, so serious...Sophie, So fun loving.
    Oh, and I also went to a psychic in new york city once.
    He looked at my palm and looked me dead in the eye and said "You will have a choice between two loves".
    I was dating Brian at the time. Sweet sweet guy...firefighter..all around winner.
    two weeks later I meet tim...special forces..not so sweet....all around survivor.
    I picked Tim.
    We've been married almost 17 years.
    We are a good match.
    Both of us are hard headed and strong willed.
    Well, here's to my daughter the doctor and your son the world leader.

  2. Oh man, this is funny. My kids are very little...but I can already see my 4 year old will be the Palace Type. My 1 year old? Well, I think he might end up as a lifeguard. Or a stand up comedian!

  3. Popping in from Ambrosia's place--she is right, you ARE hilarious!

  4. So, so happy to see Liz and TKW here. Two of my favorite blogging buddies.

    I think Big Boy and Tiny Baby are too young to have settled on any particular career. When last asked, Big Boy declared an interest in being a "rocket ship chef." If you asked him, Tiny Baby would respond, "NaaNaaNaaNaa." Repeatedly.

  5. Whoa - a Nice king! I've always been too afraid to go to a psychic, happily living in my bubble!

  6. When I think about about your daughter's ambitions, I can't help but smile.
    Perhaps she could be your son, the King's, servant?
    I think that is what he really had in mind. : )

  7. Chris, I love that - teaching history through a lens a fashion! That tells me I would have been a great homeschool teacher! I also would like to teach 20th century history through the history of cars! Awesome.

  8. Liz, I swear there is nothing world-leaderish about my son, just this strange belief in the mystical words of the psychic and teenaged laziness!

  9. TKW - thank you for visiting my blog and thanks for the compliment! I've been enjoying your posts on SMAM, trust me.

  10. Kristen, you just know that by the time Big Boy is grown that rocket ship chef job is going to be big. I don't know about Tiny Baby's choice though.

  11. Lisa, you never had to go to a psychic because you've had a charmed life! Lucky you to fall in love young!

  12. Ambrosia, if you knew what an ox my daughter is, how obstinate and unruly, you'd she that she'd make an unfit servant for any king. In this house we all serve her!

  13. You should try the "world leader must be very disciplined and educated" path. Might work. (Ha!) Some of my kids I know will be driven to succeed. Others I feel like I should remind I don't plan on giving free housing to adults.

  14. You always make me smile. (I could use a scullery maid if your daughter is still looking. Have a future "world leader" already. One was quite enough, thank you.)

    Both my boys have generally known what they wanted to be, from very early on. It has shifted in the later teen years - slightly. It will be interesting to see how things go...

    As for a psychic, I have a few of my own little abilities in that area (seriously!) and as they are sometimes worrisome, I'm happy my crystal ball is currently in the shop.

  15. Charlotte, you are right. Maybe he thinks he's going to have some really great advisers or henchmen.

  16. BLW - I am just sitting here waiting for my free psychic reading from you...

    My psychic abilities aren't of the type that will eventually pay off. If I think of someone, they call or show up at my exercise class the next day. Wow.