Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Miss Greasy Head

My Daughter's entered a new phase in her development. I don't know if it can be found in any of the developmental psychology courses at the universities, but it can be found in my house: around here we call it Miss Greasy Head.

For some reason, she no longer wants to take a shower. Or a bath. Cleanliness is no longer a priority of hers. It's a priority of anyone who stands near her, however, but not to her anymore.

She used to be my good little clean child. It was Bar Mitzvahzilla who was the problem around here with cleanliness. But Daughter? She'd march right into the shower several times a week with no cajoling and no reminding. Now, if we forget, she amazingly forgets as well. And this is not a child who ever forgets anything. Then we only remember when we look at her hair.

You know how hair normally is made up of a gazillion single strands that swing and sway together in a beautiful fall from the head? Especially when you're ten and it's your own hair color and all? Well, that's not what hers looks like anymore. It looks like maybe you could fry an omelet up there. Her hair self-parts into sections. It flomps around on her head in greasy segments. It slaps down on her face and leaves a streak of oil and then she breaks out in pimples the next day wherever that flomping hair hit her. 

Husband is bewildered. I'm bewildered. At first. But then my memory starts kicking up. I remember, suddenly, being ten and deciding that I'd wear a ponytail for the entire fourth grade - and I mean the same exact ponytail, no grooming and no showering. Above the hair tie was my greasy dirty hair, with like moss and weeds stuck in it and dandruff raining down out of it, and below it was my horrible secret: a huge knot that could not be unknotted. I was sure that at its miserable center there was a wad of gum or something but I thought that if I masqueraded it in a ponytail no one would notice that it was one gigantic ball of frizzed up tangled hair.

So, of course, a filthy fourth-grade year runs in the family. And since Daughter's quicker than me and sneakier, she's knows it's only a matter of time before her addled parents forget about her greasy hair and move onto other topics which we then discuss with the sound of her flomping hair in the background.

Is there any shower resistance going on in your household? Any pre-adolescent grease build-up? Did you go through this phase? Do you think your kids wait for you to forget you asked them to do something so they can get out of doing it?

20 comments:

  1. My fourth grader is into putting products in her hair, so then it looks greasy because she has no clue what to do with it. She grabs anything in the closet. Most recently she was alter serving and was up on the alter with what looked like a completely wet head of hair, but no, it was just dried up goop on her head. I dont know the answer, I let her experiment, but I think I have to tell her when it is just plain does not look good. Someone has got to be the one who tells her so it might as well be me.

    ReplyDelete
  2. My oldest son would take an hour long shower and come out with dry hair! We had "dandruff head." And then there was the failure to brush his teeth. Hygiene was not a priority. My husband and I kept thinking he would discover some cute girl and things would change. Nope. So now he is in college and I do believe that sometimes he washes and brushes. But could one tube of toothpaste really last a whole school year?

    Youngest son was clearly impacted by his brother and sometimes showers several times a day. Followed by a large spray of some teen-targeted product intended to keep one smelling pleasant all day. Sigh.

    ReplyDelete
  3. "...move on to other topics which we discuss with the sound of her flomping hair in the background." Linda, it's too early for that kinda laughter... I spit hot tea... just sayin'.

    My six-year-old son ( Mr. I-Want-A-Gershwin-Party) doesn't brush his teeth. I used to oversee the process in the mornings, but then Zoe distracted me. I think it's a team effort. So, I've been noticing the toothpaste gone off the toothbrush in the mornings thinking he is brushing. I've been concerned about his breath lately and happened to walk in on him last week, just running his toothbrush under the water to wash off the toothpaste. So... ummm.... he hasn't been brushing his teeth in the mornings.... for a good part of the school year this year... great mom I am. I just noticed. I do oversee the nightime brushing though, so he was at least getting in one brush a day. *sigh*

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yep - I had a greasy head girl, too. She just seemed to wash the bottom half of her hair, never quite getting up to the top, leaving a disgusting, sorta smelly, mess. I threatened her with a Dorothy Hamill haircut (Who? she said, but after looking it up, she was as good as new!)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hysterical! We went through this (boys), but younger. Of course boys, um, change. A little older? They shower. Often. They must adore being clean, n'est-ce pas,?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Clearly this is hysterically genetic. Your mother must feel great satisfaction.

    ReplyDelete
  7. My 10 year old boy showers regularly, but won't wash his hair. He just gets it wet over and over without shampoo until it looks/smells bad enough for me to notice. I hope it is just a phase. Please be just a phase!!!

    My kids all know that if they wait long enough I will forget just about anything. And they use it to their advantage ALL THE TIME. I need to start putting post-it notes on my brain.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Mine are too young for this phase yet, but it's good to know it's coming for me. And thanks for cheering up my Wednesday with your humor and the picture of Pigpen!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Joely, so funny. I forgot about my daughter with her "detangler" spray! I think she sprays it on like perfume, but she puts it on at bedtime! Another mysterious ritual!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Waisting Time - That is so funny, a tube of toothpaste that lasts an entire year of college! A never-empty tube! I need one of those. And I like the idea of a product that could just envelope one of these kids in a cloud of cleanliness and that'd be the end of the battle!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh Jennifer, the toothbrushing lies are a sore subject around here too! My husband inspects sinks, he inspects toothbrushes, anything to bust them and send them right back to the bathroom! And to an adult? Bewildering, of course. Why would any creature want to walk around with a dirty mouth all day?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Lisa, I love that. Threaten with completely out-of-date, humiliating skater haircut (although I do remember when it was all the rage!) and that makes her suddenly obedient, regarding cleanliness anyway!

    ReplyDelete
  13. BLW, Hmmm, yes, the mysterious, lengthy showers. The sudden interest in their appearance. Connected? Oui.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Maureen, my mother used to lament that ponytail of mine nonstop, and that was odd because, with seven daughters she barely noticed anything. But she couldn't stand that ponytail. She thought I looked "like a nun." But I haven't seen many nuns with ponytails, have you? My grandmother was the one who finally untangled the knot (and cut out the gum...).

    ReplyDelete
  15. Charlotte, I'm glad it's not just a sign of my advancing age (my age plus young kids seems to be a lethal combo!) - this forgetting everything. They know by now that I can only concentrate on one thing at a time. They also know that if they manage to interupt that concentration (on purpose) I'll lose track of my train of thought and then, guess what?, no shower!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Stacia, Thanks for the comment! I swear sometimes my search for clip art takes longer than the writing! I thought, "what mental image comes to mind when I think of Daughter being so dirty?" And there it was: Pigpen!

    ReplyDelete
  17. My daughter went through this in ninth grade. Granted, hormones have turned her into a grease ball who needs to wash her hair daily...if she skips a day or two it looks like the exxon valdeze has taken to dumping on her head.
    I solved i t this way...
    I said:
    Kate, I am not driving you to school looking like a hobo.
    kate...but I'll be late!
    Me: I don't care.
    Kate: You don't care if I am tardy!
    Me; Better tardy then dirty.
    Kate...FINE!
    I haven't had a problem with it since.
    She can do what she wants when she moves out of the house, but I will not have running around looking like a dirty bum while living here.
    My youngest....not an issue.
    kids.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Chris, ha ha = the Exxon Valeze! And you're right, sometimes you have to be willing to stand your ground, not let them change the topic, not care if their late to school, (not care if you miss Jazzercise!), to make your point, and permanently!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Linda, I just read in an article that the networks are trying to reduce their number of reality shows and increase their number of scripted sit-coms. I think it's time you take your humor writing to the big time and become a script-writer! Sounds like there's a new market for you. :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. Hey, Kristen, I saw that screenwriting class on the Gotham website! I will say that the more writing I do, the more aggravated I get with the movies I see (too many subplots! Ill-conceived and played-out jokes! Wearying-out the viewer!). And thanks for the vote of confidence!

    ReplyDelete